Photo credit: Ralph Howe Ministries

Relationships: My Two Cents

Intro

Hi my dear reader. Thanks for coming through to read my stuff. This time we’d be sharing perspectives around relationships, leaning more towards romantic ones. Through this, we’ll look at some popular worldviews on relationships, and I’ll give my two cents on what I think should be. Please stick around.

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What is

Relationships generally are about interactions between people. These interactions are expressed through physical, emotional, spiritual, psychosocial, and psychosexual means. People connect with each other based on certain attributes they admire about one another.

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What could be

Ordinarily love for people should be the driving force in relationships. But the world is wider than just love. More so, love is a relative concept that is meaningful only to the extent of one’s orientation (what person A considers as love may not be taken as love by person B). Hence, there is the need for a conscious definition of what should be in a relationship which is entirely personal to the parties involved.

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Some factors that count

Religion and social class are great determinants. Also, the level of education counts. A primary school leaver has different expectations from a university graduate, similarly, a doctorate differs from an undergrad. A Muslim may be thinking west while a Christian thinks east. Physical looks, respect, emotional connection, finances, reasoning patterns, locations, religion and ways of worship count too. So, you see, expectations are key things that need to match else you would see shege. Lol. One good way of aligning expectations is by talking about them (what people call communication).

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My experience

I’ve been in and out of a couple of relationships, all of valuable experiences. Some because of a lack of capacity to see things through. Mental, financial, and social capacities. I’ve seen that constructs usually become more established as people gain more experience (or if you would like, with age). The only exception is with those that have very open minds to learning new things.

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Mentor’s thoughts

I have come to accept the viewpoint of one of my mentors, Ernest, who told me: “If you are comfortable with your daughter being a replica of the lady you’re dating then go ahead”. If you’re a lady, you may want to consider this statement for your boyfriend. I also accept his views on sex when he said: “…that is why I tried not to be sleeping with my acquaintances so that there is no sense of entitlement should we decide to part ways”.

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My beliefs

I think a relationship should be for a purpose. I date people I think I can marry sometime if all things remain equal. I don’t think you should sleep with people because you think you’d marry them anyway, plans can change. I see sex as a form of commitment that is deep. I see kissing as a way of greeting, although most often than not it goes beyond that, I believe it is healthy intimacy. I also think you should do to your partner as you would have another person do to your children in the future.

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Pitching your tent

For me, the belief system of an individual is what counts the most. If you can align with fundamental beliefs, you have a good starting point. At some point, you will need to settle for someone (or for a vocation in the case of clergymen/women). So, if someone thinks random sex with anyone is cool and you don’t, you should drill down to the root of why that belief exists and see if there is anything that could be done, else, leave that person for a partner who has a similar belief system, we’re about seven billion folks on earth. The point here is that people are bound by the extent of their beliefs and value systems, no one is wrong, we are just believers. Pitch your tent on the soil that holds for you.

Cheers.

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